Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First

Wow. This was exactly the perspective shift I needed while navigating my first year of being truly solo. John Kim’s "self-help in a shot glass" approach makes the medicine go down much easier than those dry, clinical textbooks I usually find in the psychology aisle. I really appreciated the humor he injected into serious topics like trauma and setting boundaries; it felt like grabbing a beer with a friend who happens to be a therapist. Truth is, I’ve spent years trying to find "the one" without ever stopping to figure out if I even liked the person I was when I was alone. The focus on reclaiming your own space—whether that’s through fitness, hobbies, or just being still—was incredibly empowering. Not every piece of advice landed (the motorcycle metaphors were a bit much for me), but the core message is vital. It’s about building a solid foundation so you don't disappear into your next partner.

Ever wonder why you keep attracting the same type of toxic person over and over? This book dives deep into that "why" without making you feel like a failure. John Kim has a way of calling you out on your nonsense while simultaneously giving you a giant hug. I’ve read dozens of books on attachment theory, but the way he explains it through the lens of being "single on purpose" made everything finally click for me. The advice on building a relationship with your body through movement was a standout, though I know some readers found it too focused on weight loss. For me, it was about empowerment and taking up space. It’s a life-changing perspective for anyone who has lost their sense of self in the "hush and bush" of a long-term relationship. Truly a gem.

Not what I expected at all, but in the best way possible. I thought this would be a "rah-rah" book about how being single is better than being in a couple, but it’s actually much more nuanced than that. It’s about the importance of authenticity and not sacrificing who you are for the sake of attachment—a concept I first encountered in Gabor Maté’s work but found much more "real-world" here. Kim encourages you to do the hard work of looking in the mirror and liking what you see, regardless of your relationship status. The humor kept me interested when the topics got heavy, and the overall perspective shift has been incredibly helpful for my mental health. If you’re feeling lost or like you’ve disappeared into your roles as a partner, give this a read.

Picked this up after a messy breakup when I was feeling like a total shell of a human. I wasn't looking for a "how-to" guide on dating again, but rather a way to exist without the constant ache of loneliness. Kim delivers that by focusing on the relationship you have with yourself, which he argues is the most important one you'll ever have. The writing style is punchy and conversational, making it easy to breeze through in a few sittings. I especially loved the concept of "non-negotiables" and the way he encourages readers to own their shit. I’ll admit, some of the talk about CrossFit and barbells felt a bit repetitive, but the underlying sentiment of taking care of your physical vessel is solid. It’s not a perfect book, but it’s a very human one that doesn't pretend to have all the answers.

Finally got around to reading John Kim's work, and I found it to be a refreshing departure from standard self-help fluff. Instead of clinical jargon, you get raw honesty about his own failures, including his divorce and past insecurities. This transparency makes his advice on "dating yourself" feel earned rather than preached from an ivory tower. I particularly connected with the idea that we shouldn't wait for a partner to start living the life we want. Want to go to that fancy dinner? Go alone. Want to learn salsa? Sign up. My only real gripe is that it occasionally feels like a series of blog posts stitched together, leading to some redundant sections. Still, the humor kept me hooked, and the practical exercises at the end of the chapters provided some much-needed clarity on my own patterns.

As someone who has spent most of my thirties jumping from one relationship to the next, this book felt like a necessary intervention. Kim’s bluntness is his greatest strength. He doesn't sugarcoat the fact that being single can be lonely and difficult, but he argues that it’s a required season for anyone who wants to stop being a "chameleon" in their partnerships. I loved the chapters on grieving the life you thought you’d have and the importance of finding your own "truth." The writing is fast-paced and peppered with enough humor to keep it from feeling too heavy or depressing. I did find the focus on physical appearance a little excessive, but the broader message of holistic self-care—mind, body, and soul—is something I’ve started implementing in my daily routine with great results.

The chapter on "relationship residue" really hit home for me and made the whole purchase worth it. It’s a very accessible read, perfect for someone who usually finds therapy books too intimidating or boring. Kim’s voice is authentic, and you can tell he’s speaking from a place of lived experience rather than just professional theory. I liked the "self-help in a shot glass" vibe, as it made the lessons easy to digest during my morning commute. However, I noticed that the book lacks a bit of depth when it comes to long-term singlehood that isn't just a "break" between partners. It’s very much geared toward people who are actively recovering from a specific breakup. If you’re in that boat, it’s a solid 4-star read that will definitely help you find your footing again.

To be fair, there are some great nuggets about self-worth tucked into these pages, but I left feeling a bit conflicted. The title implies a celebration of singlehood as a destination, yet the narrative often feels like a preparation phase for the next relationship. It’s like we’re being told to be single "on purpose" just so we can become a better "product" for someone else later on. As a woman who is content being solo, the heavy emphasis on sexual experimentation and physical fitness felt a little narrow-minded at times. Not everyone expresses self-growth through barbells or casual encounters! That being said, his insights on "relationship residue" and closure were genuinely helpful for moving past my last ex. It's a quick, engaging read with a lot of heart, even if the "Angry Therapist" persona can be a bit polarizing.

Look, the writing is engaging and funny, but some of the advice here left me scratching my head. The truth is, I enjoyed the first half of the book where he talks about self-compassion and breaking old blueprints for what a relationship should look like. But then the second half becomes a bit of a chaotic mix of fitness tips and suggestions for sexual experimentation that didn't feel very "therapeutic" to me. It’s a weird reflection of his own specific journey with motorcycles and CrossFit, which won't resonate with everyone. I appreciated the honesty, but as a licensed therapist, I expected a bit more evidence-based guidance. It’s a decent book if you take what works for you and leave the rest, but don't go in expecting a deep psychological study.

Frankly, I was expecting a celebration of solo life, but this felt more like a "how to be a gym bro" manual at times. I struggled with the author’s tone; while some call it "conversational," I found it a bit unfocused and occasionally irresponsible. For example, his endorsement of meaningless hookups as a form of self-discovery seemed to ignore a lot of the psychological risks involved. I also felt like the book completely ignored the asexual community or anyone who simply doesn't prioritize sex as a pillar of self-growth. There are better books on psychology by authors like Erich Fromm that offer a more theoretical basis for self-love. If you love CrossFit and motorcycles, you’ll probably find this relatable, but for those of us who prefer intellectual cinema to doughnuts and barbells, it’s a bit of a miss.