18 min 30 sec

Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered: The Definitive How-To Guide

By Karen Kilgariff, Georgia Hardstark

A raw and vulnerable memoir-meets-guidebook that explores mental health, self-advocacy, and the importance of intuition, written by the creators of the world-renowned true crime podcast My Favorite Murder.

Table of Content

In 2015, a chance meeting at a Halloween party in Los Angeles sparked a creative partnership that would eventually reach millions of listeners. Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark found themselves bonded by a shared, somewhat macabre obsession: true crime. While others at the party might have shied away from the gritty details of real-world tragedies, Karen and Georgia leaned in. This connection birthed the podcast My Favorite Murder, a phenomenon that turned the isolation of being a true-crime fanatic into a global community of ‘Murderinos.’

But as they navigated the success of their show, they realized that their fascination with these stories wasn’t just about the thrill of a mystery. It was rooted in their own personal histories of overcoming obstacles. Both women had faced significant battles—struggling with mental health, navigating eating disorders, and learning how to stand up for themselves in a world that often demands women be quiet and polite. This realization led to the creation of a definitive guide for their fans, blending memoir with hard-won life advice.

In this summary, we aren’t just looking at the mechanics of staying safe. We are exploring a throughline of empowerment. The core message is that personal safety and mental health are inextricably linked. By understanding our own worth and learning to trust our instincts, we can navigate a dangerous world with more agency. We will delve into how to set boundaries, why therapy is a lifelong tool for growth, and how to shift the conversation away from blaming victims for the actions of predators. It is a journey of self-discovery that uses the lens of true crime to teach us how to live more resilient, authentic lives. Before we proceed, please be aware that the following content discusses sensitive topics, including violence and personal trauma, reflecting the reality of the subjects the authors explore.

Society often teaches us to be agreeable at all costs, but your internal alarm bells are more important than being polite to a stranger.

Self-care isn’t bubble baths—it’s the unglamorous work of therapy, boundaries, and brutal honesty from people who actually love you. Discover why protecting your mental health means protecting your friendships too.

Your worst mistake isn’t the end of the story—it’s the moment that reveals who truly has your back. Discover why unconditional support is the most powerful shield against life’s chaos.

Your “weird” obsession isn’t a barrier to connection—it’s your secret password to finding your people. Discover how embracing what makes you different transforms isolation into belonging.

Your diagnosis isn’t a life sentence—it’s a treasure map. Discover how naming what’s wrong gives you the power to navigate around it and build resilience through action, not inspiration.

Your worst job might be your best teacher. Discover how embracing unglamorous work and learning what you don’t want becomes the grit that sets you free.

Stop blaming victims for crimes they didn’t commit. Discover why shifting focus from “safety tips” to predator accountability is the real key to justice and cultural change.

The journey through the lives and lessons of Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark brings us back to a central, empowering truth: your life is yours to protect, but your worth is not defined by the dangers you face. Throughout this exploration, we’ve seen how ‘fucking politeness’ is a radical act of self-preservation, and how therapy serves as a vital tool for building a resilient internal world. We’ve looked at the importance of community—whether that’s a supportive parent or a global network of ‘Murderinos’—and how being authentic to your niche interests can lead to profound connection.

More importantly, we have seen the evolution of thought regarding victimhood. The shift from offering ‘tips’ to demanding predator accountability is a crucial part of our collective safety. It reminds us that while we should trust our guts and take care of our mental health, we must also reject the shame that society often tries to heap upon those who have suffered.

As you move forward, the most actionable takeaway is to cultivate a deep relationship with your own intuition. Give yourself permission to be ‘difficult’ if a situation feels wrong. Invest in your mental health with the same urgency you would a physical injury. And finally, remember the mantra that has become a lifeline for so many: stay sexy, and don’t get murdered. This isn’t just a catchy sign-off; it’s a reminder to stay vibrant, stay yourself, and stay vigilant in a world that needs your unique voice. By prioritizing your own well-being and supporting those around you, you contribute to a world that is not just safer, but more compassionate and just.

About this book

What is this book about?

Stay Sexy and Don't Get Murdered is much more than a companion to a popular podcast; it is a deep dive into the lives of two women who found strength in the darkest of subjects. Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark share their personal battles with mental health challenges and eating disorders to illustrate a larger point: that staying safe in this world requires more than just locking your doors. It requires a commitment to personal well-being, the courage to set boundaries, and the wisdom to know when social expectations are putting you in danger. The book promises to provide a new framework for personal security, one rooted in self-worth rather than fear. By recounting their own failures and triumphs, the authors offer a roadmap for navigating adulthood, relationships, and the inherent risks of modern life. Readers will find a mix of dark humor and profound empathy as the authors tackle the complexities of trauma and the vital necessity of prioritizing your gut instinct when something feels wrong. It is a call to action for anyone who has ever felt pressured to be polite at the expense of their own safety.

Book Information

Rating:

Genra:

Biographies & Memoirs, Personal Development, Psychology

Topics:

Anxiety, Behavior Change, Resilience, Self-Talk, Stoicism

Publisher:

Macmillan

Language:

English

Publishing date:

May 11, 2021

Lenght:

18 min 30 sec

About the Author

Karen Kilgariff

Karen Kilgariff is a multi-talented comedian, sitcom writer, and producer known for her work on shows like Baskets and Portlandia. She has appeared on Conan and Mr. Show and released the acclaimed comedy album Live at the Bootleg, which was recognized as one of the best of its year. Georgia Hardstark is a food writer and television personality who co-hosted Cooking Channel programs such as Classy Ladies and Tripping Out with Alie Ward. Together, they have built a massive media presence focused on true crime storytelling and personal empowerment.

Ratings & Reviews

Ratings at a glance

3.1

Overall score based on 37 ratings.

What people think

Listeners find this book to be a charming, brisk listen overflowing with wit, noting especially that Karen and Georgia are hilarious. Additionally, the work is moving, making listeners cry at some points, and they appreciate how it distills the podcast's spirit while providing superb life advice. The storytelling is also magnetic, with listeners treasuring the personal anecdotes shared by the authors, which offer an insightful perspective on their lives.

Top reviews

Tun

Wow. I didn’t expect a book with 'murder' in the title to make me sob in my car, but here we are. The honesty these two women bring to the table is refreshing, especially when discussing their own past traumas and failures. Georgia’s chapter on how Ray Bradbury’s writing basically saved her life was absolutely beautiful and resonated with my own experience of using books as an escape. The advice is practical but delivered with a 'don’t be a dick' attitude that I really appreciated. It’s heartwarming, hilarious, and deeply illuminating regarding their paths to success. I finished it in two sittings and immediately wanted to start it over again. This is one of the best nonfiction books I've picked up in years.

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Siriporn

The metaphor about being an alcoholic being like shitting in a hot tub and killing the vibe for everyone else is worth the price of admission alone. Karen Kilgariff has such a sharp, cynical wit that translates surprisingly well to the page. I loved the 'latchkey kid' stories; they perfectly captured that specific 70s/80s childhood of powdered lemonade and zero supervision. This isn't just a true crime book; it’s a manual on how to own your space and stop apologizing for existing. It's raunchy, real, and surprisingly tender in the chapters dealing with family and loss. Look, it’s not for everyone, but if you value raw honesty over 'fancy curtains' politeness, you'll love it. Highly recommend the audio version for the extra live energy and Paul Giamatti’s cameos.

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Gabriel

After finishing the audiobook, I can safely say that the energy is infectious, especially with the live audience segments. Having Paul Giamatti chime in as the 'voice of wisdom' was a stroke of genius that added a whole other layer of entertainment. This book is a love letter to being an 'old fart' and finally learning that you don't owe anyone your politeness if they make you uncomfortable. The stories about Georgia’s early days and her various jobs were so relatable to anyone who has ever felt lost in their twenties. It’s a heartwarming, hilarious guide to survival that I’ll be recommending to my sisters. Truth is, we all need to be reminded to 'stay sexy and don't get murdered' once in a while.

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Kasemsan

Georgia’s essay on Ray Bradbury was a standout moment for me, highlighting how literature can be a lifeline during the darkest times. I went into this expecting a collection of murder stories, but I came away with a much deeper appreciation for Karen and Georgia as people. They are incredibly un-guarded about their flaws, from addiction to eating disorders, and that vulnerability makes the 'self-help' parts of the book feel earned rather than preachy. It’s one of those rare nonfiction books that makes you feel seen. The section about Karen’s mother and her battle with Alzheimer’s was gut-wrenching and beautifully written. Personally, I found the mix of humor and heavy topics to be perfectly balanced. It’s a 5-star read for the emotional honesty alone.

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Uraiwan

As a devoted listener of the podcast, I expected a dive into grisly cases, but what I found was something much more personal and touching. Karen and Georgia use their platform to discuss the messy parts of life—addiction, anxiety, and the struggle to be 'polite' even when your gut says something is wrong. The 'Fuck Politeness' mantra is truly life-changing advice for women who have been conditioned to stay quiet to avoid being rude. To be fair, the writing is quite informal and feels like a long-form blog post at times, which might grate on some readers. However, the humor lands more often than not, and the storytelling is incredibly engaging. It’s a quick, punchy read that feels like a conversation with friends. It’s empowering and reminds us that we don't owe anyone our time at the expense of our safety.

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Chatchai

This book feels like sitting at a bar with your two coolest, most chaotic friends while they give you the best advice of your life. It’s illuminating to see the struggles Karen and Georgia went through before they found their niche. The central theme of 'Staying out of the forest' because the world is a forest is a powerful metaphor for navigating a dangerous world without living in constant fear. I did find the structure a bit disjointed, as it jumps between essays without much of a linear path, but the heart behind it is undeniable. It's a must-read for fans, though maybe just a 'borrow' for everyone else. They really nail the feeling of being a teenager and feeling like the world is ending every single day.

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Ladawan

To be fair, I went in blind without ever hearing an episode of MFM, and I still found myself sucked into their world. The authors have a way of storytelling that makes even a mundane trip to a diner feel like a high-stakes adventure. I particularly liked the focus on victim-blaming and how we need to shift the conversation toward the people committing the crimes rather than what the victims were doing. While some of the humor felt a bit forced on the page compared to how I imagine it sounds out loud, the core message is powerful. It’s an empowering, honest look at what it means to be a woman today. It’s a delightful, quick read that left me wanting to check out their podcast.

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Samroeng

Is this a memoir or a self-help manual? It tries to be both and doesn't quite master either, though it’s still an entertaining enough way to spend a few hours. I enjoy the podcast, but I found that some of the jokes that work so well in a conversational audio format felt a bit 'cringe' when written down on paper. Specifically, the bit about buying three copies of the book felt a little tone-deaf to me. That said, the sections on mental health and therapy are genuinely insightful. It’s a 'meh' reading experience that could have been improved with more focus on the true crime elements that made them famous rather than just their life stories. Good for a plane ride, but not something I'll reread.

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Thanakorn

Frankly, I think your enjoyment of this depends entirely on whether you already love the podcast. As someone who is only a casual listener, I found the 'insider' nature of the book a little alienating at times. There are a lot of references that I think would land better if I knew their history more intimately. The writing style is very informal—lots of slang—which matches their brand but doesn't always make for a cohesive reading experience. It’s a quick read, and the advice on avoiding predators is solid, but it didn't quite have the depth I was hoping for in a memoir. It felt a bit like a collection of blog posts stitched together. Not bad, just not great.

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Kek

Picked this up because the cover was everywhere, but I think I might be the wrong audience for this one. I’ve never listened to the podcast, and without that prior connection to the authors, the book felt like being trapped in a corner at a cocktail party with someone who won't stop talking about themselves. The tone is very reminiscent of 'Girl, Wash Your Face,' which isn't really my speed. While I appreciate the message about personal safety, the 'advice' felt a bit unsolicited and repetitive. Also, the factual error about LA having 365 days of sun was a bit of a pet peeve of mine—if you’re going to claim you’re obsessed with facts, at least get the weather right! It felt more like a celebrity memoir for fans than a cohesive book.

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