We Over Me: The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want from Your Relationship

This book completely reframed how I look at my partnership by emphasizing that marriage is essentially a service-based industry. The Ellises don't sugarcoat the difficult seasons, especially when they discuss their financial struggles after Devale left the NFL. I found the concept of putting 'we' before 'me' to be a radical act of selflessness that most modern relationship books tend to ignore. It takes a massive amount of trust to serve your partner first, but Khadeen and Devale make a compelling case for it through their own lived experiences. Their transparency regarding intimacy and mismatched sex drives was particularly refreshing and felt very authentic. If you are tired of the 'happily ever after' fairy tales and want a realistic blueprint for a long-term commitment, this is the read for you. It is a powerful reminder that while love might be the spark, service is the fuel that keeps the fire burning for twenty years.

As someone who struggles with comparing my life to others, the chapter on creating your own romantic blueprint was a total lifesaver. Khadeen and Devale explain that you have to reject the rules your parents or grandparents followed if they don't serve your specific dynamic. I loved hearing about how Khadeen rejected her mother's advice about domestic habits because she actually enjoyed cooking for her husband. It’s all about finding what works for you and ignoring the outside noise from family or the 'social media' perfection trap. The book is written with so much heart and soul that you can tell they really want other couples to succeed. It’s not just about them bragging; it’s about them showing the scars they earned along the way. Honestly, the honesty regarding their early trauma and the decision to stay together through it was heartbreakingly beautiful and very necessary.

Wow, I did not expect to be so moved by the stories of their early years and the financial strain they faced after the NFL. Their willingness to share the 'warts and all' version of their relationship makes this book stand out in a crowded market of self-help titles. You get to see the moments where they were alternately irritable and withdrawn, which feels so much more relatable than the polished version we see on Instagram. The chapter about their decision regarding a pregnancy at 19 was handled with such grace and vulnerability that it brought me to tears. It shows that they have a firm foundation built on more than just physical attraction or career success. They are committed to the concept of marriage itself, which means weathering the storms that would break other people. This is a must-read for anyone who thinks marriage should be easy all the time.

Ever wonder what it actually takes to stay together for twenty years in the public eye? This book answers that question with a level of transparency that is both shocking and deeply inspiring. I loved the way they dismantled the idea of 'winning' an argument, noting that if one person wins, the relationship loses. Devale's journey of unlearning the fighting styles he saw in his own childhood was a highlight for me. It shows that we are all works in progress, even when we have thousands of followers looking up to us. The book emphasizes that you have to like the person you are with, because friendship is the only thing that lasts when the lust fades. I finished this feeling like I had a better toolkit for my own relationship. It’s a fast-paced, engaging, and deeply emotional journey through the lives of two people who truly adore each other.

After hearing so many people rave about their podcast, I had high hopes for this book and it did not disappoint at all. The Ellises provide a realistic look at love that is far more valuable than any fairy tale blueprint I've seen before. They tackle the tough stuff like postpartum depression and the pressure of maintaining a 'perfect image' for the public. I loved the reminder that marriage doesn't solve your personal problems and that you still have to do the individual work of therapy and journaling. It is a refreshing take on modern partnership that values the 'we' without completely erasing the individuals involved. This book is the perfect gift for an anniversary or for a new couple just starting their journey together. I finished it in two sittings because the storytelling was so engaging and the advice felt so earned. Truly a great read that I will be recommending to all my friends.

Finally got around to reading this after following the Ellises on social media for years, and I was genuinely surprised by the depth of their story. While I already knew they were a 'power couple,' I didn't realize how much they struggled with gender roles during their transition from the NFL to acting. Seeing Khadeen work long hours at a MAC store to provide while Devale took on the stay-at-home dad role was incredibly moving. It proves that a successful relationship requires a lot of pivoting and letting go of ego. My only minor gripe is that some of the 'advice' sections felt a bit like common sense if you've been in a long-term relationship. However, the personal anecdotes were more than enough to keep me engaged and turning pages. It’s a great gift for new couples who need to understand that conflict isn't a sign of failure, but a part of growth.

Picked this up on a whim and was pleasantly surprised by the transparency regarding their intimacy issues after having four children. Most couples pretend that the spark never fades, but the Ellises are honest about sex feeling like a chore sometimes. They discuss the frustration of mismatched libidos without making either person feel like a villain or a victim. I appreciated how Devale acknowledged that he needed to support Khadeen through her hormonal changes rather than just pressuring her. The advice on having the 'same conversation' over and over until you find a solution is something I’ll definitely be applying in my own life. While some chapters felt a bit longer than they needed to be, the overall message of communication is vital. It’s a realistic love story that doesn't rely on clichés to get its point across to the reader.

Look, the idea of a 'service-based' marriage might sound submissive at first glance, but Khadeen explains the philosophy so perfectly that it makes total sense. She isn't a doormat, and Devale isn't a 'simp' for wanting to serve his wife’s needs; they are just two people who understand that selfishness kills romance. I appreciated the specific examples of how they pivoted their career goals to make sure the family foundation stayed strong. The transition from retail work to freelance makeup artist was a great example of how one partner's sacrifice paves the way for the other's success. My only criticism is that the tone can be a little preachy at times, but their results speak for themselves. Their four kids and twenty years together are proof that their 'unconventional' strategy actually works in the real world. I would definitely recommend this to any couple feeling stuck in a rut.

To be fair, while the advice in this book is incredibly solid, the writing felt a bit repetitive in the middle sections. I have followed them on social media for a long time and felt like I had already heard some of these stories through their podcast episodes. I was really looking for more 'wow' moments or brand-new nuggets of wisdom that hadn't been shared online already. That being said, Khadeen's detailing of her birth experiences, particularly with Jackson, was truly powerful and visceral. The book serves as a decent primer for millennials who are struggling to find their footing in the dating world. It’s a cute, quick read, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a groundbreaking manual for marriage. If you are a die-hard fan, you will love it, but casual readers might find it a little light on substance.

Not what I expected from a couple I usually enjoy following, as the book felt a bit vapid and egotistical in certain sections. Personally, I found that Devale came across as a bit selfish in the earlier chapters, fitting that 'typical bro' archetype a little too closely for my liking. While they talk a lot about 'we,' I felt like the narrative often centered on their individual successes rather than the practical 'how-to' of daily compromise. I was hoping for more deep-dive psychological tools, but instead, I got a lot of surface-level anecdotes about their social media fame. The pacing was okay, and the writing is fine for a memoir, but it didn't offer the life-changing wisdom I was anticipating. It’s probably a great read for younger fans, but for those of us who have been married a long time, it feels a bit thin. I struggled to finish it because it felt repetitive.