Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

Finally got around to reading this staple of the ENM community, and it definitely lived up to the hype. Taormino provides an incredibly thorough roadmap for anyone looking to dismantle traditional relationship structures without losing their mind in the process. While some modern readers might find the primary/secondary hierarchy a bit rigid, the sheer breadth of relationship styles covered—from swinging to polyfidelity—is impressive. The writing is accessible and devoid of the preachy tone you sometimes find in older lifestyle manuals. I particularly appreciated the focus on practical logistics, like how to navigate scheduling and boundaries. It’s an empowering read that makes the daunting prospect of opening up feel manageable. Even if you don't end up changing your relationship status, the communication tools offered here are gold for any couple. This is a must-read for the curious.

This book is basically the updated, more readable version of The Ethical Slut that I’ve been craving. Taormino manages to be instructive without being preachy, which is a rare feat in the self-help genre. I loved how she integrated so many diverse voices through the case studies; seeing how real people negotiate their closet status or handle parenting was eye-opening. The tone is engaging and moves quickly, making it a great pick for a partner who might be intimidated by denser academic texts. Look, it’s not perfect, and the total absence of any mention of asexuality is a glaring hole. However, the foundational advice on negotiation and self-reflection is top-tier. It helped us solidify our decision to explore non-monogamy by giving us the vocabulary to talk about our fears. Truly an empowering resource.

Picked this up after a friend recommended it as the gold standard for new couples, and I totally see why. It’s exceptionally well-researched and avoids the hippie-dippie vibe that turns some people off from this subject. The layout is easy to follow, with checklists and sidebars that make it feel like a workbook rather than just a lecture. In my experience, the biggest hurdle to non-monogamy is just not knowing what the actual options are, and this book lays them all out clearly. Whether you're interested in casual swinging or long-term polyamory, Taormino treats every model with respect and kindness. It’s an empowering resource that gave my partner and me the confidence to start having the hard conversations. If you want to move beyond the basic 'slut' branding and get into the nitty-gritty, read this.

After hearing about this book on several podcasts, I finally dove in and was blown away by how comprehensive it is. It covers topics I hadn't even considered, like the legal and practical implications of having multiple partners in a society built for two. The chapter on parenting was particularly enlightening, providing real-world examples of how to handle transparency with kids in an age-appropriate way. Gotta say, Taormino's background as a sex educator really shines through in the way she de-stigmatizes diverse desires and kinks. It’s an easy-to-read, engaging manual that makes the whole concept of opening up feel less like a crisis and more like an opportunity for personal growth. If you’re even slightly curious about non-monogamy, this belongs on your shelf. It is a definitive, eye-opening resource for the modern era.

As someone navigating a mono-poly dynamic, I found the specific sections on that configuration to be a total lifesaver. Tristan explores the emotional friction of these setups with a level of nuance that's often missing from online forums. To be fair, the book shows its age in places; the language around the trans community and the use of the word 'transgendered' is definitely a relic of the late 2000s. However, the breakdown of New Relationship Energy (NRE) is still one of the best I’ve read. It helped me recognize my own patterns before they spiraled into messy territory. The advice is grounded in real-world case studies that make the theories feel tangible and easy to follow. It's a solid, informative guide that prioritizes honesty over idealism, even if the 'one partner can't meet all needs' mantra feels a little oversimplified at times.

Wow, I didn't realize how much of my 'monogamous' thinking was actually just fear of communication until I picked this up. The exercises on designing your own relationship are incredibly helpful for stripping away societal expectations and building something custom. My only real gripe is the terminology; calling a V-structure a 'V Triad' is confusing and technically incorrect in modern poly circles. Still, the core message about personal agency and radical honesty resonates deeply. It’s packed with useful advice that applies even to monogamous couples who just want to be better partners. The writing style is breezy and conversational, which helped me digest the more challenging emotional topics like jealousy. Not gonna lie, some of the hierarchy stuff is a bit dated, but the practical tips for finding community are excellent.

Ever wonder how to tell your family you're non-monogamous without it becoming a total disaster? The chapter on coming out is worth the price of the book alone. It’s more detailed than almost any other guide I’ve found, offering scripts for common questions and pushback you might receive. The truth is, opening up is a logistical nightmare if you don't have a plan, and Taormino is great at providing that structure. I did find the rules vs. boundaries distinction a bit blurry here, and some of the contract-style agreements she suggests feel a little too controlling of others' agency. But for someone who needs a clear, well-researched starting point that covers everything from legal issues to safe sex, this is excellent. It’s engaging and empowering stuff for beginners.

Personally, I appreciated that this book doesn't try to sugarcoat the bad and the ugly parts of opening up. It’s an honest look at how messy jealousy and scheduling can get. The chapter on jealousy was a bit hit-or-miss—the idea that some people just don't feel it is a dangerous precedent to set for beginners—but the practical tips for managing emotional spikes were still useful. The writing is clear and incisive, though it does occasionally slip into ciscentric assumptions. I found the section on polyfidelity especially interesting, as it's often ignored in other books. It’s a comprehensive guide that works best if you read it with a critical eye. Great for sparking deep discussions with a partner before you make any big life changes.

The chapter on STI safety is where this book really starts to show its flaws, unfortunately. Frankly, the medical information regarding HSV and HPV was inaccurate even for its time, and it’s a bit dangerous to leave uncorrected in newer printings. Beyond that, the book is a decent training-wheels manual for couples, but it feels ethically pedestrian compared to more modern texts like More Than Two. Taormino focuses heavily on the erotic side of things—which makes sense given her background—but the emotional complexities of deep polyamory sometimes get sidelined for playing and kinks. I also struggled with the suggestion that you can just give up a partner to honor a primary relationship; it treats human beings like interchangeable parts. It’s a functional starting point, but don't let it be your only resource if you're looking for an ethical foundation.

Not what I expected, as it leans way too heavily into the erotic side of non-monogamy for my personal taste. Taormino seems to view these relationships primarily as a way to fulfill sexual fantasies that a main partner won't indulge, rather than focusing on the deep emotional bonds of romantic polyamory. There’s also a weird trend of only mentioning a person's race when they aren't white, which felt jarring and irrelevant to the anecdotes. In my experience, the book supports a very couple-centric model where secondary partners are treated as disposable objects to be 'given up' if the primary relationship gets rocky. While the section on coming out to children was well-written, the rest felt like a relic of a different era that lacks the ethical depth of newer relationship guides. It's too sex-focused to be a definitive guide on love.