Distancing: How Great Leaders Reframe to Make Better Decisions

Finally, a self-help book that respects the reader's time by getting straight to the point without hundreds of pages of filler. "Distancing" is a clear, actionable guide for anyone looking to improve their judgment by putting ego and bias aside. I loved the striking real-life examples that ranged from nuclear submarines to chip manufacturing and even sports. These anecdotes make the cognitive science feel much more grounded and easy to grasp. The method is immediately actionable—you don't need a workshop to start using these techniques today. Not gonna lie, I was skeptical about how much "being somewhere else" could help. It works. It’s a high-value, low-time-investment read that I highly recommend for personal and professional development. Thank you to the authors for this brilliant guide.

As someone who appreciates evidence-based strategies, I found the collaboration between Marquet and Gillespie to be a masterclass in synthesis. They turn complex neuroscience into actionable tools that anyone can use to navigate career crossroads or team dynamics. I’ve read many books on decision-making, but the way they frame distancing as a specific, learnable skill is unique. The book is packed with striking real-life examples that illustrate how these techniques work across different cultures and industries. I particularly liked the focus on becoming less reactive and more intentional. The book is short enough to read in a single weekend but dense enough with insights that you’ll want to keep it on your desk for reference. If you liked "Turn the Ship Around," you will find this to be a thoughtful and practical follow-up.

Decision fatigue is a real problem in my line of work, so this framework arrived at the perfect time. I’ve enjoyed L. David Marquet’s other writing, and "Distancing" is another worthwhile addition to his bibliography. The authors advocate for a counterintuitive approach: stepping outside of yourself to gain objectivity. I particularly connected with the "Be Sometime Else" practice, which forces you to imagine your future self looking back on a current choice. It’s a powerful way to reduce daily anxiety and shift into a wiser perspective. Frankly, the writing style is exceptionally clear and straight to the point, likely the result of very careful editing. It’s a short, sweet, and efficient read that offers grounded strategies for intentional thinking. I plan on gifting this to my management team.

Frankly, I didn't expect a book written by a former Navy Captain to feel so much like a modern manual on Stoicism. By separating yourself from the raw emotions of the moment, you can make a more rational choice rather than reacting impulsively. This book artfully blends neuroscience with practical leadership insight to show us how to become our own coaches. The three core strategies—self-distancing, spatial distancing, and temporal distancing—provide a solid framework for creating that mental gap in different contexts. It is a rather short book, which I appreciate, as it doesn't bury the lead in fluff. All the points are backed with academic research, making it feel more like a serious tool than just another self-help piece. It’s a great guide for becoming more self-aware and less reactive in high-stakes environments.

Ever wonder why you give great advice to others but struggle to make your own choices? This book tackles that exact problem through psychological distancing. Marquet and Gillespie have created a transformative guide that helps you view your life through a broader, wiser lens. The "Be Someone Else" technique, which involves adopting the role of a coach, was a game-changer for my morning planning sessions. I found the writing clear and the research references neatly arranged, which is always a plus for a non-fiction book. My only minor gripe is that some of the reflection exercises felt a bit repetitive by the end of the book. Still, the message is timely and empowering. It’s a fantastic resource for anyone aiming to reduce daily anxiety and move toward more intentional living.

Picked this up on a whim after seeing a summary of the "Be Sometime Else" technique online, and I’m glad I did. It’s an excellent book for anyone who wants to learn how to make better decisions as a person, not just as a manager. The writing is incredibly clear and straight to the point, which makes it an entertaining read despite the heavy scientific underpinnings. I found the exercises scattered throughout the text to be surprisingly effective at shifting my perspective on a few nagging work issues. In my experience, most leadership books are far too long, but this one is short, sweet, and efficient. It’s a grounded, empowering strategy for clear and courageous thinking. While it might feel a bit like a Stoic primer at times, the modern psychological context makes it feel fresh and applicable to current life.

After being a huge fan of "Turn the Ship Around," I went into this with very high expectations that weren't entirely met. Look, the book explains how one can make better decisions by distancing ourselves from the immediate heat of a situation, which is a valuable lesson for any leader. Marquet and Gillespie break this down into three types of distancing: self, spatial, and temporal. While the framework is solid, there wasn't anything truly revolutionary in here for me. It served more as a well-written reminder of why I already use certain perspective-shifting techniques to avoid reactive choices. The psychology is sound, and the academic research is definitely there, but the actionable steps felt a bit thin in certain chapters. It's a good, concise book for someone new to cognitive behavioral concepts, but seasoned leaders might find it a bit basic.

The blending of cognitive science and leadership theory here is solid, but something felt missing for me during the read. Michael Gillespie brings a lot of psychological depth to Marquet’s practical leadership experience, which makes the evidence-based approach feel very credible. The "Be Someone Else" strategy is particularly helpful for those of us who struggle with ego-driven reactions in the workplace. However, the book focuses heavily on the how and not enough on the when. Truth is, not every situation requires a deep psychological distance; sometimes you just need to act. Without more specific criteria for when to deploy these mental exercises, the advice can feel a bit one-size-fits-all. It is definitely a thoughtful and empowering book, but I would have liked more discussion on the potential downsides of over-analyzing every decision.

Look, I think the core message of this book could have probably been an insightful long-form essay rather than a full hardcover. While I appreciate the science-backed skill of putting ego aside, the three practices of being someone, somewhere, or sometime else felt a bit stretched out. That being said, the "Be Sometime Else" chapter alone is worth the price of admission for chronic procrastinators or impulsive deciders. Marquet's voice is distinct. The inclusion of Gillespie’s psychological expertise ensures the advice isn't just anecdotal. It’s a good reminder to see things from a different perspective, even if it isn't exactly revolutionary for people who have studied leadership before. I'd give it a solid three stars for its readability and the occasional "aha" moment.

Is one vocabulary word really worth an entire book? While Marquet is a legend in leadership circles for his previous work, I found "Distancing" to be a bit of a stretch. The concept of illeism—speaking about oneself in the third person—is fascinating, but it doesn't quite carry the weight of an entire volume. To be fair, the writing is punchy and the Navy submarine anecdotes are always a highlight, but I felt the core message was repeated too often. It’s a decent reminder to step back, yet it lacks nuanced guidance on exactly when these techniques are necessary versus when they might actually hinder quick decision-making. If you’ve already practiced mindfulness or basic Stoicism, most of this will feel like common sense dressed up in new terminology. It is a quick read, but not quite the revelation I was hoping for.